On Being the Mama of a Boy

It's an interesting thing, to think you know what you want, to assume you know exactly what you need, and to then be surprised with something totally different.

Before Henry was even a sparkle in my eye I always thought I wanted a little girl. I'm a girl's girl for sure, and the idea of having a son never crossed my mind, even as a child playing house. But life does as it pleases, and here I am, the proud mama of a little boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

While pregnant I just knew I was having a girl. I felt it. And most of my friends thought the same. I was so sure about this that I even had a box full of girl's clothing I started collecting once I became pregnant. Inside the box were vintage dresses, little mary jane shoes, and the prettiest bloomers and hats and sweaters.

So I'm sure you can guess that on our big gender ultrasound day I went into the appointment feeling fairly certain there was indeed a girl in there. I remember arriving at the doctor's office, holding Hank's hand, my 20-week stomach full of butterflies. I remember walking back into the room, so nervous, so hopeful that everything would be okay as they went through the anatomy check. And I remember when the ultrasound technician asked, "Okay guys, do you want to know?" Time stood still for that little moment as we replied, "yes, definitely," all the while both Hank and I silently freaking out.  The technician clicked her mouse a few times, adjusted the probe, and exclaimed "You're having a...BOY!"

I laid there for a second in shock (did she just say boy?!), then started happy-crying as the waves of emotion I'd been holding back hit me all I once. I was happy. Scared. And so, so excited. Our family came into the room and everyone was cheering and shouting and high-fiving each other. I was lost in a sea of eight people's excitement, still stunned and still silently freaking out.

For days I thought about how strange it was to have a boy on the way. How would this even work? A boy? I hadn't planned on this, I had no idea what I'd even do with a boy. But yet there he was, and he was on his way, ready or not.

It's funny to me to look back at the panic I felt thinking about Henry being Henry. It lasted for a few days, and then all of sudden, it became my reality. Of course I was having a boy, of course. I couldn't have imagined anything different.

And now when I hear that sweet "Mamamamamaaaaa!" from across the house, and see my big-little boy come running towards me, full speed ahead, enveloping me into one of his famous bear hugs, I know that this is what my life was meant to be. Trucks and footballs and lots of noise, Star Wars and cut off shorts and Vans sneakers. All boy, all the time.

So for now my box of girls clothing is tucked away, up high on a closet shelf. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a chance to take it down- and really, I'd be totally content if that time never came, much to the surprise of my formerly pregnant self, who couldn't have ever imagined all of these positively "boy" moments that make up my day. In the middle of my tea partying, dressing up dreams, I never thought I'd be playing motorcycles on the ground with a little boy named Henry. And maybe one day he'll want to tea party and dress up too, but for now, motorcycling on the ground is the only place I want to be.

Silly, Giggling, Toddler Wonderfulness

Before becoming a Mom, I was always an early riser. An early riser, but a slow early riser. I enjoyed my quiet mornings to myself, going to the gym then sipping tea and eating breakfast, checking my favorite blogs and sites and starting my day off slowly. But now, the mornings come upon us quickly, with a "Da-Da-Daaaaa!" or a "Ma-Ma-Maaaaa!" from across the house, blaring through the monitor. "Up! Up! UP!" And our little one is awake and up and ready for his day to begin. There is no leisurely time spent in bed post-workout shower, but there is that first moment when I open Henry's door and I get to enjoy my favorite part of the whole day- that good morning smile and the messiest bed head, arms outstretched for hugs and kisses.

Our little guy is a monkey- always in things, on things, figuring out how to move the heaviest things. He is go-go-go from the minute he wakes up and most of our mornings are a whirlwind of activity and excitement. We have quiet moments too though; reading books as the first morning sunlight streams in through the windows, building blocks and towers together, or just sitting for a bit and listening to the birds chirp outside.

So many times during our days I'll stop in wonder at this wild, spirited boy, this determined little headstrong fellow, and I'll think to myself: he is ours. I've said this numerous times here, but it's still amazing to me that I grew this little human inside my body, and as I watch him grow and grow into more boy than baby, I am continuously blown away with every new step and phase. I'm sure I'll be saying this as I watch Henry get bigger and bigger, changing and becoming who he will be, but for now I'm focusing on this squirmy, bed-headed wild little year-and-a-half-old boy who is all ours in all of his silly, giggling, toddler wonderfulness.